Lord, how often should I forgive?

In today’s gospel, Peter asks the question to Jesus: Lord, how often should I forgive? How many times do I have to forgive my brother? Is it seven times? That question says a lot when you read between the lines. Maybe we ask the same question: How often should I forgive someone? Or how often should I forgive myself? Why do I have to forgive? What is the benefit to forgive?  Today we are going to talk and reflect about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a beautiful idea until you have something to forgive. It is not easy to talk about forgives. Maybe It is easy to say, I am sorry. Or forgive me. But the reality is different. It is hard to forgive someone from the heart. It is hard to forgive someone who has hurt your feelings. It is difficult to forgive someone who has destroyed your life, your family. It is difficult to forgive and to forget.

In the course of my ministry as a priest the most common problem people share with me is anger, resentment and the resistance or difficulty to forgive. How many of us have an anger issue, and the problem of forgiveness. We have faced problems of anger caused by family members, friends, coworkers, or teachers. And we struggle to forgive or we refuse to forgive.  Sometimes our anger leads us to get revenge or resentment.  But today, Jesus brings us a good news. He brings us a great message of forgiveness. Jesus wants to teach us how to forgive and why we need to forgive our brothers and sisters.

To respond to Peter and to all of us, Jesus says that we have to forgive seventy times seven which means always from the heart. So, in order to forgive from the heart, we have to let go anger, we have to let go our resentment, we have to let go of our right to revenge and leave justice to God.  The parable is not about the quantity of time to forgive but it is about the quality of forgiveness.  By telling us the parable about the king forgiving his servant, Jesus wants us to be forgiving people. Because forgiveness is the condition to be forgiven. We must forgive in order to be forgiven. Forgive you will be forgiven. We must be forgiving people if we want to be forgiven. The forgiving king showed mercy to his servant and expected his servant to be merciful and forgiving to others.

In our Lord’s prayer we say that forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us. Our first reading also reminds and tells us that we cannot expect God to show us mercy if we don’t forgive others. This is also what Jesus says at the end of the parable. Jesus concludes by indicating that this is how it will be with God and those who refuse to forgive one another.  So, by forgiving, we open our heart so that God’s mercy comes in and he pardons us. Because all of us have to ask for forgiveness, all of us,” he said.

“Let us forgive and we will be forgiven. We show mercy to others and we will feel that mercy of God who when he forgives, forgets.  We have to forgive others because forgiveness is liberating for the one who’s doing the forgiving. Forgiveness sets our heart free, free to love, free to walk as sons and daughters of God. Forgiveness finally changes us from being prisoners of our past to being liberated and at peace with our memories.  Forgiveness allows us to move beyond the pain, the resentment, and the anger.  Otherwise, if we refuse to forgive and let go of our anger, we do more harm to ourselves. Every time that we hold on to our anger, we damage only ourselves. We keep suffering emotionally and maybe physically. One of the people we often have difficulty to forgive is ourselves.

As human beings, it is not easy to forgive from the heart. Maybe there is someone whom you hate. Maybe you have resentment to someone. Maybe there is a situation from many years ago that has a negative impact in your life. Maybe you hate yourself. Maybe you have decided that you will never forgive someone who hurt your feelings. But after reading today’s message or after reading today’s gospel, you may consider to forgive at least one person. I know that it is hard, we need God. We need God’s grace. Maybe we need to go to confession. That is why we pray today, we ask God for the grace to let go of our anger, resentment in order to forgive from the heart. Let us learn to forgive, even those things that seem unforgivable.